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Aug 6

Tuesdays Are My Favorite

Every 1st and 3rd Tuesday from April to October, the courtyard at the Union Center of the Arts transforms into Tuesday Night Cafe, one of the oldest ongoing free public art series in Los Angeles. 

Naaz Diwan at the August 5 show

Tuesday Night Project acts as a transformative and incubative space for Asian American artists, creators, curators, and appreciators. For the past 16 years, poets and musicians have flocked to TNP to perform, eat, and be merry. It is a completely volunteer run and donation funded organization that has deep community roots.

Every show, they feature community announcements from organizations such as Asian Students Promoting Immigrant Rights through Education Los Angeles (ASPIRE LA), which is a pan Asian & Pacific Islander immigrant youth led org in LA. Also featured was the Restaurant Opportunities Center (ROC-LA), a local restaurant worker center founded in 2010 that has over 600 restaurant worker members.

Author and PhD extraordinaire Tom Cho read some excerpts from his book, "Look Who’s Morphing".

Pumana rocked out about the blues of Hawaii

As the night winded down, everyone’s heart was filled to the brim with music and poetry.

Sonia Rao performing “Stay With Me”

This was my second TNP, and it was just as cathartic as the show I attended one year ago.

(Perspective 1 — me shouting “SMILE FOR THE CAMERA”)

(Perspective 2 — Thanks for the photo, Daren!)

Oh, and mega thanks and shoutout to TNP for inviting me as the featured blogger! Like I said at the show, TNP has come to mean so much to me despite the 3,000 miles usually between us. I’m blessed to have stumbled into this vibrant and positive community when I did, and I will always be thankful for the connections and opportunities that have come out of it. When I move to LA, you can fully expect to find me in this courtyard every 1st and 3rd Tuesday.

Tuesday Night Cafe’s location is at:
Aratani Courtyard/Union Center for the Arts
120 Judge John Aiso St., Los Angeles, CA 90012

For more info:
http://www.tuesdaynightproject.org/

Please “Like” them on Facebook at:
http://www.facebook.com/tnproject

Join their Facebook Group to be the first invited to all our events:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/29558702393/

Sign up for their email list:
http://www.tuesdaynightproject.org/subscribe/

Follow them on Twitter at:
http://www.twitter.com/tnproject

and Tumblr:
http://tnproject.tumblr.com/

and Instagram!
http://www.instagram.com/tnproject

Join us tomorrow to talk about why Net Neutrality and the internet are so important to us! 42 national civil rights organizations recently signed on AGAINST net neutrality, it’s time to show them that we disagree! Tweet with us #MyInternetIs tomorrow at 12pm EST/9am PST!
Here are some examples (click to tweet!):
#MyInternetIs an open discussion space where I learn and grow from folks I would have otherwise never met. http://bit.ly/1aqjmEJ
#MyInternetIs a free library on all the information I was never taught in schools. http://bit.ly/1aqjmEJ
#MyInternetIs is the way I practice my 1st amendment rights. I won’t allow the FCC to influence my voice! http://bit.ly/1aqjmEJ
#MyInternetIs my safe space where I determine what’s “high-demand”. I don’t prioritize aspects of my identity! http://bit.ly/1aqjmEJ

Confused about Net Neutrality? The “Save the Internet Campaign” summarizes it like this:


What Is Net Neutrality?
Net Neutrality is the fundamental principle that ensures you can read, watch or download whatever you want — and it’s not up to a phone or cable company to decide which websites will work.


Why Is Net Neutrality So Important?
Net Neutrality has made the Internet an unrivaled environment for free speech, civic participation, innovation, opportunity, press freedom and much more. It prevents online discrimination and gives any individual, organization or company the same chance to share their ideas and find an audience.


How Is Net Neutrality at Risk?
The FCC’s proposal would let a handful of giant Internet companies become the gatekeepers of everything we do, say and see online. If the FCC’s rules go into effect, Internet service providers will be allowed to favor their own content and charge extra fees to others for VIP treatment. This would create a two-tiered Internet with express lanes for the few who can afford the tolls — and winding dirt roads for the rest of us.


What Can We Do About It?
To ensure decision-makers hear from millions of Internet users and not just a few big companies, Free Press is mounting an all-out campaign to organize public support for Net Neutrality. If we succeed, the open Internet will continue to thrive as a space shared and shaped by its millions of users.

Join us tomorrow to talk about why Net Neutrality and the internet are so important to us! 42 national civil rights organizations recently signed on AGAINST net neutrality, it’s time to show them that we disagree! Tweet with us #MyInternetIs tomorrow at 12pm EST/9am PST!

Here are some examples (click to tweet!):

#MyInternetIs an open discussion space where I learn and grow from folks I would have otherwise never met. http://bit.ly/1aqjmEJ

#MyInternetIs a free library on all the information I was never taught in schools. http://bit.ly/1aqjmEJ

#MyInternetIs is the way I practice my 1st amendment rights. I won’t allow the FCC to influence my voice! http://bit.ly/1aqjmEJ

#MyInternetIs my safe space where I determine what’s “high-demand”. I don’t prioritize aspects of my identity! http://bit.ly/1aqjmEJ

Confused about Net Neutrality? The “Save the Internet Campaign” summarizes it like this:

  • What Is Net Neutrality?

    Net Neutrality is the fundamental principle that ensures you can read, watch or download whatever you want — and it’s not up to a phone or cable company to decide which websites will work.

  • Why Is Net Neutrality So Important?

    Net Neutrality has made the Internet an unrivaled environment for free speech, civic participation, innovation, opportunity, press freedom and much more. It prevents online discrimination and gives any individual, organization or company the same chance to share their ideas and find an audience.

  • How Is Net Neutrality at Risk?

    The FCC’s proposal would let a handful of giant Internet companies become the gatekeepers of everything we do, say and see online. If the FCC’s rules go into effect, Internet service providers will be allowed to favor their own content and charge extra fees to others for VIP treatment. This would create a two-tiered Internet with express lanes for the few who can afford the tolls — and winding dirt roads for the rest of us.

  • What Can We Do About It?

    To ensure decision-makers hear from millions of Internet users and not just a few big companies, Free Press is mounting an all-out campaign to organize public support for Net Neutrality. If we succeed, the open Internet will continue to thrive as a space shared and shaped by its millions of users.

The Struggle to Love…to Struggle WITH Love

Juliet Shen and Vanessa Teck are two of the OCA interns who were terminated in 2013 for openly criticizing a major sponsor. Both identifying as activists and feminists in their early 20’s, they have shared experiences of isolation, pain, and fear. Since then, Juliet and Vanessa have begun a transformative journey to better understand how to root their movements in love.

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juliet

Juliet Shen

One year ago exactly, on July 19, 2013 at 11:05AM, I was fired from OCA – APA Advocates.

It’s been a rough year of self-reflection and unexpected turns, but I like to think that I’ve grown as a person and an activist. After being fired, I was the brunt of jokes and anonymous emails about how irrational and stupid I was, how I’d never find a place in the APIA community again, and how my career in DC was over. My idealistic bubble was popped — everything was reduced to a form letter of termination read in an empty room. I was defeated, and isolated myself in my college campus determined to not return to a community that cut us out without remorse.

After OCA, it became second nature to avoid certain individuals and organizations. This was perhaps unnecessary, but my discomfort was real. It can be difficult navigating the circuits of Asian America when you’ve pissed off one of the biggest organizations. I linked up with Suey Park as a friend and collaborator over our shared experience of being booted from nonprofits in the APIA community. It felt good to be angry. I was powerful again after being stripped of my autonomy and dignity, and stepped up to the mantle of “Juliet Shen – Feminist, Blogger, and Activist”. I was excited to be relevant again as a web warrior fighting for representation and justice. Of course, you know how that story ends.

Sometimes it’s hard to love a movement when it never loves back. The expectations for feminists and activists often don’t leave room for being human. I’ve come to find that most people who meet me for the first time have this idea of me as a “militant, man-hating, white-man worshiper”. This year, I joined a sorority and I started dating again. Somehow, these choices — choices that I made for myself and choices that make me happy — have dissolved friendships and alliances in my life. It was easier to grow a thick skin and become as bitter and callous as people wanted to believe I was. But ultimately, we can’t let peoples expectations of us limit and harden our hearts; that is the opposite of what activism should do.

I did come close to quitting. I wanted to experience life as a “normal” 21 year old and go out, have fun, and not worry. I almost didn’t renew Fascinasians’ domain and toyed with the idea of letting it fade away peacefully. I chose a year of self-care and self-love because activism was tainted with reluctance and pain. I was never radical enough, but always too radical for someone. I wasn’t angry enough, but my anger intimidated and alienated others. I didn’t feel good enough for anyone and struggled to find motivation to do anything at all.

Both OCA and Suey Park taught me the dangers of rooting my ideology in anger. And yet, this year has been cathartic. During theTwitter Clusterfuck of 2014, one particular hashtag appeared: #BuildDontBurn. That is where I learned what real community and humility meant. If OCA was the bad breakup it felt like, this was coming home to family. That’s what I always thought activism was supposed to be: individuals coming together and loving each other because they shared a dream that a better world was possible. The guidance and love from the people behind #BuildDontBurn reshaped my perspectives on ego, credibility, community, and organizing. I didn’t have to be “good enough” for anyone — I just had to act because there was injustice and discrimination in the world.

Ultimately, it is a privilege to not be political. Instead, I am reimagining activism in a positive, loving way. Tanzila Ahmed, an organizer and blogger, wrote about love as a radical tool. This year, I let myself be soft. I learned to love in more powerful and constructive ways. Love is transformative in all of its many forms, from platonic to romantic to revolutionary. The love and encouragement from OCA’s Class of 2013 Interns (shoutout to the McMansion!) and my mentors (have y’all read Reappropriate?) keeps me going today. And what of OCA? Well, I maintain that they were the spark that lit my fire…and Summer 2013 won’t be the thing that puts it out.

Love,
Juliet

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vteck

Vanessa Teck

After my termination from OCA last year, I lost myself. I began the summer as a fresh graduate with stars in my eyes, hoping that my experience in our nation’s Capitol would equip me with the tools to serve my community. Yet, after a harsh termination, the world scared me. I received anonymous messages telling me that it would be impossible for me to find a career within the APIA advocacy community, the space that I called my home for so long. I was told that I had made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. There was no room for dialogue, for I already felt the labels of a failed activist and student bearing huge weights on my shoulder. I loved the movement, but I felt as though it was no longer loving me back.

As a result, I entered my Masters program with angry eyes and a hardened soul. I knew that it would take a toll on me; my time, my health, and my overall well-being. Yet, despite multiple warnings from well-intentioned mentors about entering the ivory tower, I could have never prepared myself for the psychological train wreck that I experienced throughout this first year.I felt the need to prove myself, to prove that I belonged in a space deemed so illustrious by family members who have been taught that academia is the only road to success and by mentors who have equated academic achievement to overcoming institutional barriers. I constantly feared, with each new day in my program, that someone would call me out as a fraud. I worried that, despite my various involvements and successes, my work would never be seen as good enough, that I would never be seen as graduate material. That before I spoke in class, I had to spend precious time developing articulate statements, so that when I said them out loud, I was perceived as credible and qualified. I sat and stared at blank pages as I attempted to write my papers, worried that my inadequacies would appear the moment that I began typing. That opportunities to work with faculty members would come with risks of a larger and more public community discovering my incompetence and termination.

I never afforded myself the opportunity to fully deconstruct how the summer quaked my entire being. I went through a stage of coldness, focused solely on achieving and burying the pain that I felt each quarter, as if ignoring the pain would cause my questioning to go away. I was often told that my kindness and conscientiousness were weaknesses… that if I remained soft, I would not be able to shape others. I lost the power of my narrative and in doing so, I forgot how to love. It was not until I was invited to speak on a panel with Suey Park that I began to realize how much I was hurting… and how much of myself that I had lost. As an individual who identifies as an advocate and activist right down to my core, I spent more time resisting the system, rather than transforming it. I forgot that as a Cambodian American feminist and activist in Higher Education and Student Affairs… my presence in itself was already resistance.

485395_10151563754022851_1275087860_n

What if instead… we transformed our idea of activism into being soft? If it were about loving deeper, instead of fighting harder? If it were about creating transformative change through soulful relationships, rather than tearing each other down? What if activism was less about expertise, but focused more on cultivating a space where mistakes could be considered a form of resistance? Imagine activism as a living room in which we can all feel welcomed and at home, hearts warmed and united by our common struggles, rather than a process of putting on armor and preparing for war.

That’s not to say that protest organizing is not needed, but despite many activists who claim to fight for justice, we forget to be inclusive and place one another on a pedestal. We have expectations of others that we cannot even achieve ourselves. Nothing about that is visionary; it’s just a remix of the oppressive systems we want to transform in the first place. By claiming to be an expert in anything, we remove the ability of ourselves and others to learn and grow together. We are our own gatekeepers. It was remarkably easy to disconnect myself from the reality and challenges of crafting an inclusive climate, excused by the overshadowing of my anger, but by recognizing that my lived experiences are only one of many that have the potential to create change, I begin to decolonize what I have learned and transformatively humanize myself and others.

Since then, I have found love within the stories I have had the privilege of hearing. I found love in the struggles from fellow womxn of color, the achievements from student activists, the frustrations from other graduate students drowning in debt, and the clarity from those who have been told that they matter. Although I end this piece still fearful, I am thankful for the family that I have gained along the way. From the cutest OCA intern class ever to an incredible partner who pushes me to be fierce and proudly introduces me as a feminist, I no longer feel lost or alone. I am embraced by those in my life who continue to love me, whether I am “radical” enough or not, “critical” enough or not, “activist” enough or not.

I continue to struggle and am hopeful that I will continue to struggle because it will mean that I am still attempting to create my own space founded upon love.

Love,
Vteck

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You can find Juliet at her blog, Fascinasians, a website dedicated to curating news and experiences about and from the Asian Pacific Islander American community. To learn more about Vanessa, check out Project Ava, a social justice media company, dedicated to sharing meaningful stories. Currently, Juliet and Vanessa serve as the Co-Chairs for the Coalition of API Americans Collaborating Together to Unite the Southwest (CAACTUS).

Jun 4
SUPPORT ANGRY ASIAN MAN!

2 years ago, I met my role model for the first time. Growing up in Arizona, my only connection to being Asian American was reading Angry Asian Man almost every day. His blog not only kept me updated on news and pop culture I otherwise had no access to, it sparked a passion for racial and social justice. Angry Asian Man eventually led me to my first AAPI centered conference, the creation of Fascinasians, my involvement with the AAPI community, and ultimately to activism and politics and organizing as a whole. I owe Phil Yu a whole lot, and it’s an honor to support him and AAM.

SUPPORT ANGRY ASIAN MAN!

2 years ago, I met my role model for the first time. Growing up in Arizona, my only connection to being Asian American was reading Angry Asian Man almost every day. His blog not only kept me updated on news and pop culture I otherwise had no access to, it sparked a passion for racial and social justice. Angry Asian Man eventually led me to my first AAPI centered conference, the creation of Fascinasians, my involvement with the AAPI community, and ultimately to activism and politics and organizing as a whole. I owe Phil Yu a whole lot, and it’s an honor to support him and AAM.

The Conference on Asian Pacific American Leadership will be hosting an evening gala to commemorate APA Heritage Month and CAPAL’s 25th Anniversary on Friday, May 9, 2014 at the Sphinx Club (1315 K St NW) in Washington, DC. Last year, the gala had over 500 attendees and over 14 partnering organizations. This year’s evening event will celebrate the role of APAs in our society and connect over 500 young professionals with APA leaders committed to public service. Our confirmed speakers include Secretary Norman Mineta and Deputy Secretary of Labor Chris Lu. 

Proceeds from the gala will go toward their "25 Scholars and Interns in 25 Years Campaign," which will award scholarships to students pursuing unpaid internships in Washington, D.C. 

CAPAL is graciously offering a 10% discount to the first 20 readers who purchase tickets to the gala.

Use the discount code “FascinasiansReader” to get your discounted tickets!
The Conference on Asian Pacific American Leadership will be hosting an evening gala to commemorate APA Heritage Month and CAPAL’s 25th Anniversary on Friday, May 9, 2014 at the Sphinx Club (1315 K St NW) in Washington, DC. Last year, the gala had over 500 attendees and over 14 partnering organizations. This year’s evening event will celebrate the role of APAs in our society and connect over 500 young professionals with APA leaders committed to public service. Our confirmed speakers include Secretary Norman Mineta and Deputy Secretary of Labor Chris Lu. 
Proceeds from the gala will go toward their "25 Scholars and Interns in 25 Years Campaign," which will award scholarships to students pursuing unpaid internships in Washington, D.C. 
CAPAL is graciously offering a 10% discount to the first 20 readers who purchase tickets to the gala.
Use the discount code “FascinasiansReader” to get your discounted tickets!

I’ll be on Al-Jazeera America’s The Stream talking about interracial love Friday at 7:30pm ET!

 Join the conversation using #AJAMstream or tweeting ajamstream!


Tweet and keep up on updates at @AJAMStream on Twitter or by using the hashtag #AJAMStream. To find out what channel Al Jazeera America is on, you can visit Aljazeera.com/getajam!

It’s conference season! Here is my schedule as of today:



February 20 - 23: Washington D.C. for the East Coast Asian American Student Union conference! My workshop will be on #NotYourAsianSidekick, online organizing, and Asian American feminism. I’ll also be speaking on a panel on Greek life and Asian American issues!

April 4 - 6: Philadelphia for University of Pennsylvania’s “Rethinking Activism” Conference. I’ll be speaking on a panel with Dr. Jan Ting (Temple University), Biju Mathew (NY Taxi Alliance), and Manar Waheed (SAALT) on activism in underrepresented communities.

April 24th - 26th: NYC for NYCAASC, the New York City Asian American Student Conference.

Interested in inviting me to your campus? Shoot me an email at julietqshen@gmail.com!

THANK YOU to everyone who participated in #NotYourAsianSidekick yesterday! We trended for over 24 hours across the world!

This is NOT a passing trend, but the beginning of a movement.

Media round up: 

Buzzfeed

BBC

The Stream (keep an eye out, Suey will be a guest in the near future!)

Blogher

International Business Times

Carbonated.TV

more forthcoming!

Keep up with Suey Park at @Suey_Park (and her secondary account for when Twitter freezes her, @SueyinJail) and her Facebook page.

Keep up with me at @Juliet_Shen (and my secondary account @Fascinasians) and my page.

KEEP THE CONVERSATIONS GOING, Y’ALL! YOU MADE THIS HAPPEN!

It’s about that time again! Fascinasians is turning 2!

I’m going to celebrate in New York City the weekend of July 14, if you’re around please join! We can get bonchon or barbecue!

Trungles and Fascinasians Discuss Interracial Relationships

Trungles is a male-identified, queer-identified Asian American illustrator living in Minnesota. Fascinasians is a female-identified, straight Asian American feminist and blogger living in New York. This is based only off of our own personal experiences and we don’t attempt to speak for anyone else. This is obviously not a complete discussion so we welcome your input and comments!

 

Trungles:

Let’s talk interracial feels. What brought them up for you today? I saw the ask, oh my god.

Fascinasians:

Well, in the past week Angry Asian Girls United's gotten quite a bit of messages about Asian women worshiping white men and it's either demonizing and hating them for dating white men or being like “oh of course you should do it, they're the best”. Which, first off, not only completely erases other interracial relationships (they assume that white is the norm) but it makes me feel really uncomfortable being in my relationship with a white man. I'm trying to figure out why exactly I feel uncomfortable.

Trungles:

Right, yes. I mean, is it because you feel like your relationship should be indicative of something of yourself?

Fascinasians:

In some ways, yes. But it’s also almost like I feel guilty for dating someone white, like I’m betraying the Asian American community somehow. Whereas at the same time I know I shouldn’t have to justify my relationship and feel obligated to date someone Asian or non-white because I’m an AAPI advocate. Whenever I tell someone from the AAPI activist community that I’m dating someone non-Asian, there’s this certain vibe and attitude I get.

Trungles:

I mean, it is a relationship that was entered into with mutual parameters, and I’m sure you know the power dynamics of it all, too, so I wonder if all this strangers’ speculation is taking away how much agency you have over your own personal life?

Fascinasians:

That actually hits it right on the mark! What are your thoughts on interracial relationships?

Trungles:

Oh good! We’re on the same page.

In my experience, interracial relationships are really hard. I have to pare down my selection to just the guys who don’t see me as some kind of sexual prop. And even beyond that, when we’re in the relationship, there’s this tendency for them develop this comfort, this ‘familiarity,’ with my Asianness that tries to pass itself as support, and that’s when I need them to take a step back and reassess.

This is all before we even get to the part about what other people think about it.

Fascinasians:

Yeah, my current partner is completely new to Asian culture/dating someone Asian which is good and bad. He doesn’t assume to know anything or give off that entitlement vibe about my identity and culture. But it also means that there are some things that need to be discussed and aren’t a shared experience. Luckily he’s really open to learning and talking about what’s right, wrong, comfortable, appropriate, respectful, etc. Do you ever ask potential dates/partners if they’ve dated someone Asian before or if they have an Asian fetish?

Trungles:

Always. I used to take a lot of time to carefully and tactfully try to glean that information from them. In recent years, I just ask them directly, “Hey man. Are you an Asian fetishist?”

Fascinasians:

Same! I’ve actually become so paranoid about being objectified as an Asian woman, I’ve even looked at their internet/porn history to see if they watched racialized porn (if they watch porn at all, which is also a warning sign).

Trungles:

And there is a distinction between asking, “Are you an Asian fetishist?” and asking, “Do you have an Asian fetish?”

Fascinasians:

That’s a really good point. What would you say is the distinction, exactly?

Trungles:

Well, I used to ask, “Do you have an Asian fetish?” and people sometimes thought I was being playful and somehow implicitly approving of Asian fetishism. I suspect it’s because it separates the act from the person.

Asking, “Are you an Asian fetishist?” got me down to the dirty right away. When you use language that conflates an action with the person in a way that is inextricable, they are suddenly faced with the odd prospect of having to take very real ownership of their actions.

Asking the latter made some people angry, and the former sometimes comes off to them as flirtatious, creepily enough. If people wanted to talk about it after I asked them the latter, that was a good greenlight. If people go defensive right away, I knew there was some white supremacist bullshit that they didn’t want to address.

 Fascinasians:

Ahh, I like that a lot.

Trungles:

I think it’s strategy thing for me, and I do that very deliberately.

In terms of when the relationship’s already going and people are side-eyeing it out of context, that’s tough. And the responsibility of understanding the power dynamics somehow shifts from the white person, who people will presume to be ignorant of PoC issues, to the PoC.

Fascinasians:

Which would explain the pressure to feel guilty.

Trungles:

Yes! And it’s a consequence of being Other’d, I think - everything we do is politicized, whether we want it to be or not. Even our most personal, most intimate desires and endeavors - love, crushes, sex, families - become a platform for discourse and debate.

A weird thing that is complicit in taking away our agency is when other people, well-intentioned as they might be, co-opt our personal dealings as props in a political tussle.

Fascinasians:

Every single thing we do/our existence becomes a political statement. And I’ve seen people deliberately make their personal life a political issue but it’s super problematic for literally everyone else.

Trungles:

Like, yeah, I’d love to talk about interracial relationships in all their political complications, but I think it’s disrespectful to make an example of someone else’s personal relationship to serve my own ends, you know?

And when other people do it with their own, that’s their thing. But it’s hard to backpedal from it and reclaim the private, intimate nature of that relationship, right?

Fascinasians

Definitely, there are a lot of online examples that showcase interracial relationships and maybe I read too much into it but I think websites like that come close to blurring the lines between celebrating the realities of our diverse and interracial relationships and turning them into ads and poster-children for a colorblind society.

Trungles:

Yep, happens all the time. Suddenly our relationships and intimacies are reduced to fodder for someone else’s agenda.

And yeah, sometimes we would purportedly benefit from some of those well-meaning agendas, but the bottom line is that when our intimacies are taken from us, that’s our agency taken away.

That’s being complicit in the problem.

Fascinasians:

It’s a major violation of our lives. We end up not having ownership over anything, even the most intimate parts of our relationships.

Another conflict for me are the realities of interracial dating (for me), which I wrote about before when I wasn’t dating my partner and I was talking about how nice it’d be to be with someone who I didn’t have to educate on my culture and everything. I sometimes feel like there’s huge obstacles in terms of language and communication with my extended family, traditions and customs that all have to be taught and learned, foods to be accustomed to, future for kids (linguistically and culturally), etc.

Fascinasians:

For example: in the future, how are my grandparents and parents going to communicate with my partner if they’re not Chinese? And certain things like taking off your shoes, or eating rice porridge when you’re sick, or just little things our families do are completely new to them.

And I understand that this applies to inter-Asian relationships as well, like my grandpa hates Japanese people. And other people of color. And even with other Asian and Pacific Islanders, the culture and language thing would be a struggle too. Dating is so hard!

Trungles:

Right? And I don’t even have the future-family thing on deck. I think the most pressing issue in my relationships is just simply the whole ideology thing. I think it’s actually more of a me thing, not an Asian American specific thing, but not being able to engage in any oppression discourse at all is a big no-no. But more specifically, I have a pretty deferential personality sometimes. And it comes from growing up with very strict behavioral parameters, not speaking unless spoken to, revering elders, that sort of thing. And the whole honorifics thing, too.

I’ve dated men of color before, but I’ve never dated another Asian man before.

And sometimes I’m overly cautious in trying not to overstep my bounds, and then by comparison my partner is just kind of stepping everywhere like he owns every space, physical and conversational.

I almost wish I had a little more experience exploring those relationship dynamics in my personal life, but I rarely get past the “Asian fetishist” conversation before I know it’s not gonna work out.

Fascinasians:

Yes yes yes, actually I’ve never dated someone Asian; most of my exes were white when I was in Arizona. And I’ve only dated one person since I’ve moved to New York. So I feel you on the more experience with relationship dynamics. I also tend to date older so the power dynamics with an older white male and me are challenging at times. It’s important to talk about it. And the Asian fetishist conversation is usually a deal-breaker.

Trungles:

It’s the biggest deal-breaker for me!

Fascinasians:

It’s interesting….many Asian American advocates I know end up dating non-Asians and then get shit for it all the time.

Trungles:

 Yeah! I see that all the time. 

Fascinasians:

In conclusion, let’s run away to SF together!

Trungles:

HAHAHA yesss!

Fascinasians:
Shoutout to my wonderful, amazing, and supportive partner. Lots of love <3